Shortly after the beginning of the schoolyear, something clicked in my mind. It was a transition from becoming simply better to literally embodying resilience, confidence, and a monk-like lifestyle to the uttermost extreme. I began doing Brazilian jiujitsu three days a week if not four during Sundays which was quite the development experience. I was very hard working – I would wake up at 4:30am, workout, have breakfast, and go to class at 8:00am. After that, I would study just IB-related topics all day until 5:30pm when I would have dinner at the school when I did jiu-jitsu, then do jiu-jitsu at 6:30pm, finish at 8:00pm, come home, shower, and go to sleep at 8:30 – 8:45pm. Nothing more, no social media, no news, nothing. I would limit myself to watching 90 minutes of Youtube and Instagram Saturday evenings.
I did that every single day for approximately the two years I was there and when I was not doing jiujitsu I was studying or learning. I forced myself to pursue extreme physical challenges that went against what my body desired because I wanted to test what my body was truly capable of – my morning workouts were brutal, my sprints, long runs, and jiujitsu sessions were miserable and not optimized for improvement but mental fortitude. Towards the end of 2022 I began to force myself to not sit down unless I was told so or forced to, which came to be because I would often fall asleep when I was sitting down out of extreme exhaustion. If I did so personally then I would think that I was weak which then negatively affected my confidence. I had a standing desk with no chair, ate without a chair, everything, even going days without sitting or laying down once until I went to bed. In long days where I would work out early, go to class, study, do volunteering, and have jiujitsu in the evening, I really really wanted to relax physically and put my legs to rest for one moment, but I mentally couldn't. I would cry in the streets when going to jiujitsu because I was extremely fatigued, and I knew that I was going to take even a greater physical beating in that session.
I would freeze myself, not putting radiators, or extra layers of clothes – in the winter I would shiver continuously every day I was in my room studying in my standing desk. When I walked outside to take my dog out, I would deliberately avoid the sunny areas opting for the shade to not sense the warmth which was what satisfied my body. All day I would dream of my dinner which was the only hot element I would sense all day. Because of this acute effect on my body, my body would become purple and extremely white, I would go to the bathroom at night three times, and was unable to be attentive at school because the warmth and sitting down combined easily made me close my eyes. In summer, I made myself only drink hot water and went to bed with my sheets on which was far from ideal. Friday evenings after a jiujitsu session which usually was more of a beating, I didn't let myself go to bed later but instead forced myself to go to bed at 8:45pm because I had to wake up before 5:00am the next day, which was a Saturday!
From a nutritional standpoint, I became eating extremely clean, only having veggies, lean meats, quinoa, sweet potatoes, fish, oatmeal, and fruits. There was barely 0 deviation from this diet my first year at the school. Again, I didn't even let myself have rice or potatoes because it was not the absolute best source of carbs. Early 2023, I stopped having lunch and instead opted for having a larger breakfast and dinner so I could have a greater period of focus in between. Of course, never even conceived the idea of drinking or smoking or partying or anything that did not lead to a better me. You can imagine how crazy people my age and other ages thought I was. I didn't care though. In early 2024 I explored further doing 3-day fasts, which was an extremely unique experience. As you may imagine, because of all this extreme activity and clean eating, I became physically even leaner but strong also, but a bit too lean, probably around 7-8% body fat both years. Looking back, I myself know it was absolutely crazy, but that was the entire point – to build a stack of evidence which I can always rely on as a source of confidence. It was not after I finished the IB exams on May 16th 2024 and had already told my jiujitsu gym that I would be leaving to Boston next year that I relaxed. I cried a lot after that last exam because I had myself, self-willingly with 0 influence from the outside imprisoned myself to be at the absolute edge of just breaking physically and mentally for two years. This period taught me resilience, optimizing for fortitude vs optimizing for performance, discipline, and understanding the limitations of living such a rigid and isolated lifestyle.